The Reason - I Write

When I started this blog, my nearer and dearer ones had appreciated and inspired me in a way to continue blogging. Those days I used to post the things, which were from the secondary source. I mean to say those contents were not my original creation. I have possibly violated the copyright laws and intellectual property rights of many; which I never meant to. This continued for quite a long time. Then, I was silent for long. Almost for a year. Then after a long time when I looked back, I found that the blog is untouched. Then I started revamping it, with the determination to post some original stuff…. my thoughts, my creation, my feelings, my beliefs in my way. Then I found Google has added many new features and I started a hit and trial. My dear friend Soubhagya has given some very productive inputs at that time. Eventually it all started for the second time.

However, this time, the reaction was slightly different. Very few have appreciated the second coming the way they did at the first instance. I was often asked, “WHY am I doing all this?” I was also told, “Whether I am trying to impress someone... possibly a girl / girls” or “am I trying to build a social image out of it”. My humble reply was laughter... clear and loud. Few of them compared me with Chetan Bhagat (I do not know why). Some said I am better than him (which I never believed). However, I know what it is and why I am doing this. One thing I would like to tell you here that “if I do something then be sure that I have at least one very strong and compelling reason for it and when I do not do something then that means I have many solid reason for not doing it”. This is what I believe. This is why I do / do not do and this is how I live. Oh, we are going off the topic.

Writing something own, original and sensible is not easy at least for me. I need a certain state of mind to convert my impulses to words. I rarely have it and it lasts for a very short span. However, it gives me a very pleasant felling… heavenly, mesmerizing and fascinating. I enjoy that particular state of my mind. I believe at that time I am absolutely focused, better composed and in the best state of my mind. I am absolutely productive and determined. This influences my life in a big positive way including my personal and professional sphere and I like it. It not only helps me to write or create something own but it actually allows me to do almost everything in a better way. With such a state of mind, I read books (including textbooks), articles, and research papers. Which helps me to I build on my own research works, I also clean my room, my house, my car, my bike, my desk and my life. With that state of my mind, I think good, do good and feel good. This is why I write.

Believe me if you think I am writing for someone or something. Then I am very sorry to tell you that, “I write for myself, with all my selfish desire to feel good”.

Since last December, I am struggling (mentally). I do not know why. I am trying to write. I am trying to do many things. But, I am unable to capitalize on my ideas. I miss that state of my mind (you know why!). May be it is because I am trying to do many things simultaneously challenging my capacity and capability.

In life, I want to do everything. To be a pilot, to be an astronaut, to do something for the society, for my father, for my brother, for my friends, for my relatives, for mother earth, for God, for myself, for the upcoming generation… for everyone. Among all these, I messed up somewhere and I am lost with in my selfish desire to do everything for everyone.

I messed up terribly. Believe me I have 20 different word files (first I write on MS-Word then post it on my blog) on different topics, which I thought I would write about and share through my blog. However, they are still incomplete and I have only managed to write a few sentences on most of them. Many are there with the heading only. Ha Ha Ha. What a misery. Yet I am not hopeless, not given up, even for a second. I am sure that I am going to fix everything. Possibly, it will take time but now I am in a mood to accomplish.

Banani always tells me “Nana (meaning ‘brother’ in Odia) update your blog. Write something”. Possibly, out of those 20 unfinished works, 5-8 files I have created after she asked me to write.

One more thing I would like to share about me. When I am regularly updating my blog that means I am on the right track. The biggest symbol of me freaking out is my facebook status updates… wired, unreasonable, offensive and ridiculous.

So far, I have written 867 words here and I am again in to my comfort zone.

Now I am going to read, write, study, think, plan and feel good.

Thank you for reading.

I know you love me more than my writing.

BE GOOD and DO GOOD.

Take Care.

With lots of LOVE

Yours

AJ